My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

she is love…

005

Try as you may, some of you, your daily decisions, your life and death decisions, even your “what should we have for dinner” is never our own decision. it’s already been decided. Maybe you’ve never thought of it that way. But have you ever noticed how sometimes you run to the store for something quick you need to make your dinner, and you run into someone you know and have a conversation. meaningful at the time or not, it all plays a part in the story. His story. We may think that when we make a decision it is ours fully. surely God gave us free will…but each decision leads to an action, the action leads to a story, and the story was never written by us. Long before our existence it was written, every hair on our head counted and there for a purpose. every decision to glorify Him in someway, somehow, somewhere for someone, maybe not us, and most we will never know what for or who for…til the veil has been torn. and we see the truth.

His truth.

She is beautiful. She is love. She is joy. She was a decision. A decision that Brad and I discussed at long end. She wasn’t an easy decision, she was an important one. She came with risks, she came with rewards, with what-if’s and how-comes…she is love. never ours to make. She is here. she has a purpose to be here. her story was written long before we were ever dreamed up. she was meant to be here. she is life. she is love. She is Gods choice. She is His creation. She is a gift, a result of a decision that wasn’t ours, even though we had to decide. She is a blessing. She is a miracle. She is love.

She is not a statistic. She is not a disease. She is not a mistake or a person to feel sorry for. Having life is nothing to ever be sorry for. She is not hurt or pain. She is not the same. She is different. Her situation as unique as the color of her eyes or the prints on the tips of her beautiful long fingers. she is a blessing. she is hope.

She is not hurt. She is not to feel sorry for. She is nothing short of HOPE.

and to anyone who can’t understand that, I pray you don’t miss the point of it all.

it’s not our decision.

it’s our choice to go with the dream God placed upon your heart…His plan, his desires, his creation…or to decide to ignore it.

She is not a decision.

She is love.

067

7 comments:

  1. beautifully written, God bless your sweet girl and family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a beautiful post. Your daughter is gorgeous, and I imagine a complete joy. I have never posted a comment before, but I follow your blog. I want you to know that I am so incredibly grateful that my husband's parents made the decision to have another child after losing a young child to CF. There is never a moment of regret. Every life is precious.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Beautiful words, Sarah. As always. And you are SO right that special needs kids seem to have wisdom in their eyes, long beyond their years. And as a parent of one, it is the greatest gift that God could ever have given me. Having been given a special needs child has not weakened us, it has made us stronger. It has not devastated me, it has actually made me a better person. Those who cannot understand this are people who have never been through it. Even if all they see is pain and heartache, I actually ache for them...because if they knew what we did, they would be all the better because of it. Give sweet Brynlee a kiss from me --she is PRECIOUS and I'm so excited to follow HER story; and the wonderful ways that Conner is part of it all.

    xo
    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  4. She is beautiful! May God bless your family and may He heal your sweetheart!

    ReplyDelete

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