cry much?

so my therapist told me tonight that i don't cry enough. that i am not modeling for my children that emotions are ok and how to deal with them. so here's the thing....
i cry.
but on my own terms.
i happen to think that just because i'm not a blabbering mess all the time that it shouldn't mean that i dont cry. i do. but crying doesn't get 3 kids fed and going, or meds done, or feeds done, you know? so yes i do cry. but i feel that why waste precious time crying...and worrying about the future and conners declining health...because i could be spending that time making family memories right? you only get one shot!
but i think that just because i dont' cry to release my emotions doesn't mean i don't feel them. doesn't mean that i'm ok. doesn't mean that i'm not trying to deal with it all. it just means it's not me right now.
maybe i'll get there.
maybe i won't.
docs worried that if i dont allow myself to feel this grief right now, that if i keep pushing it to the side to get thru the day, that when that horrible time comes she's very afraid of what my reaction may be.
i can see that. makes sense.
but i guess for me...ya i know where we're heading, and i'll have all the time in the world once we get there to wallow in the grief of it all...and i do have days where i'm emotional and that i cry over stupid stuff and that i'm too stressed to see straight...but i don't wanna dwell in it. thats not who i am...
just cus i don't cry doesn't mean i have it all together...
but it also doesn't mean that i have a handle on it as well...
it simply means it's me.