My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Conner's famous again!!!

Well I guess I shouldn't be too surprised...but our home away from home, Long Beach, WA did a remarkable article in this weeks paper (yep...only one paper a week!!) Conner's had articles in papers before, but this one is truly exceptional. The writer, Amanda Frink did an AMAZING job capturing CF and our lives!!! You can read it HERE.

In other news, last night was Brad and I's counseling appt where we discussed the when and how to talk to Conner and Hunter about Conners declining health, CF, and dyeing. ICKY! Thats not a good talk to have! I feel we've made a solid plan, and I have complete faith that God will help to give us the words to speak, and the strength to do so. Part of me is still in denial of it all, quite honestly. I mean here's the best way I can explain it. So back in October when Dr Link sat me down and told me how serious Conners condition was, I went thru a good 2-3 week mourning period, where I just felt broken and was easy to cry...but as time went on, even though we kept going back to the hospital week after week up thru January it kinda wore off. I got numb to it. and life went on. Then when the second peds pulmonary cf doc sat me down in mid January before our trip to Hawaii and said the same things, i was completely taken back! why? because i was so numb. i refused to waste time FEELING the grief, and honestly, I just didn't want it to be true. So when he said that to me I again went back to that intense feeling of despair, but as we got home from Hawaii and his health is stable (not great, but it never has been) I'm back to my numbness. I don't believe it. It's easy to see and believe when he's in the hospital, horribly sick, but when he's home and doing ok I just can't believe it. So I pray that our plan will fall into place, that it'll open up a dialogue between us and Conner, to let him vent because we just know he knows whats going on but has been too afraid to say it, and to let us all just love each other and hug and support each other. Our plan with Hunter is very similiar, only the conversation will be different. He's only 4. It will be very devestating and quite confusing. It is a grown up conversation being given to a 4 year old child, with child like feelings and understandings. It won't be easy. But I pray that it'll be effective, and it will just continue to help us grow closer in this time that we have together.
Nothing else is really new, I think that's enough for one day, don't you?! Continue to love and support those with CF and their families. We all need strength and love and support to navigate thru life with his disease. But I still say we're the lucky ones, who learn in a very short amount of time the true meaning of life. and love. and living each day to the fullest. and that tomorrow is never a guarentee!
Lots of Love!

1 comment:

  1. praying for you from snowy Wisconsin!

    Tami
    mom to Emily 4 w/CF

    ReplyDelete

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