My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Friday, February 19, 2010

"Why is gramma so sick?"

Those are the words Conner asked me tonight at the dinner table. Brads gramma Shirley in Idaho has been hanging onto life by a slim thread this past week in the ICU on a ventilator. She's had moments where we thought she wasn't going to make it, then miraculously she'd wake up a bit to acknowledge the visitors, so it's been quite a roller coaster of a week. Well tonight, she gave up her fight. She passed on about 2 hours ago now...which brings about a very wierd mix of emotions, worries and feelings. Brad is very distraught, naturally. And I miss her terribly already. I feel a bit better knowing that now she's another angel watching out for sweet Conner along with both my grandpa's, my great aunt, and brads other grandma among others. Because we could really use all the divine intervention we could get! but now...

Now we have to figure out how to bring up gramma GG dyeing to our sons. We were planning on talking to the kids about illness and dyeing with everything that is going on with Conner, and now it's going to be very real. a very intense talk. Because now it's not won't be a "someday" you will die type'll now be "today" your great grandma died...etc and im so very worried about that. Talking about death never was something that I felt would be easy to do, or for Conner as well, but now it's real and now it's going to be even more difficult.

He asked at dinner why is GG (great gramma) so sick and in the hospital...and Brad has real emotion right now having just lost his now i'm very concerned about this discussion. and I'm just not sure what to do

Lordy, if anyone has any advice or ideas I'm all up to listening. Because I feel so confused just thinking about it.

Please pray for strength, pray for me, for brad, for conner and hunter and please pray for the entire Erikson family for their great loss tonight. And may GG Shirley forever rest in peace.
(GG surrounded by Michelle, me, Tammy and Jenny)


  1. Everything happens for a reason. Plain and simple. You will know when it's exactly the right time to talk to your boys about dying, and when that time comes, be reverent, and listen. God WILL tell you, exactly what you need to tell your sons.

    This is such a hard topic, especially to explain to such young children. I can't imagine your anxiety; but your boys (Conner, especially) are such strong little men. They will understand, and find comfort that this is coming from their very loving parents.

    I will pray, so hard, for you to find those words; and find the comfort that you need, to be able to do this. You and your husband seem like such an amazing team.

    With love,

  2. I have talked to my girls (7 and 4) about how everybody's body has a certain number of years, days, weeks, etc. to live here on earth. They know that their grandparents bodies have lived to be very old, and are starting to need some help (medicines, a cane, etc.) to keep going strong. Some bodies have less years - a young cousin of a neighbor died last summer in an accident. Emily's body, we hope, will live many many years, but needs lots of things to keep it strong, and we do our best every day. I've talked to them about how no one knows how many years we get while we are alive, but that we do not need to be afraid to die.

    We've talked about our spirits, too. The part of us that is not on our body, but is the part that people love most about us, our laugh, our ideas, our words, the memmories we make. I've told them that spirits live on forever, with God in Heaven, and in the hearts and minds of the people who are still living here on Earth.

    They know that we are terribly sad when someone we love has to go because their time to be on Earth is over. But, we mostly sad for us because we won't see them anymore, for a while. The people who have died get to go to a wonderful place.

    I don't know if that helps, or if it's in time, but its what I use to talk to my girls, and I find it a comfort.

    Peace and blessings to you, and prayers for Grandma GG and everyone who loves her.

  3. I just googled children's books on coping with death... there are a ton. I bet one of those could help. Keep your chin up! Xo


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