My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Thursday, May 5, 2011

It’s here…and I’m done…

I don’t really expect this to make much sense. I’m just gonna babble it out.

His headstone is in.

Installed in the ground.

above his bodies resting place…

and it’s become a permanent, REAL, harsh reality.

he is gone.

and we have been left behind to manage somehow.

grief has no timetable, infact the shock of his passing has just begun to lift.

he had a birthday he wasn’t alive for, forever 7 and never 8.

his headstone is in the ground signifying the end of his precious life on earth.

mothers day…and one of my babies isn’t here for it for me to hold him or receive a special craft from.

cf walk is next weekend. he will not be there to walk and hold his banner and wear his new shirt with us.

it’s almost been one year.

never felt so lonely.

never felt so broken and raw.

his headstone is beautiful.

and the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.

007

 

CF Warrior Conner Reed Jones

Our son, our brother, our hero

hold your kiddos tightly…

Love Love Love

2 comments:

  1. (((Sarah))) Many hugs and prayers for you and yours. I wish I could lift some of the pain for you. Just know, we're thinking of you.

    Sadly, CF ties some families together, across the miles.

    ReplyDelete
  2. To articulate how beautiful your words are would be impossible. I, myself have just lost my father to suicide, and I know that it's completely different to losing a child after fighting so damn hard to keep him here, but I would like to say, that I, for the first time in 2 months since his death have finally found someone who gets it. I am beyond sorry for the pain you're going through. Your son, Conner IS beautiful. I like to think that our bodies are merely our shell, and his is broken, but his soul will always be with you. I try every day to believe this myself, and I know it's hard but he's with you in a profound way we don't understand.
    I'm sorry if this comment is offensive in any way, I'm just an 18 year old girl who finds a sense of relief in your honest, gut wrenching words and speak to me through my own grief.
    If Conner had the choice to chose a mother, he would, without a doubt chose you and your family is lucky to have such a loving person in their lives.
    Unfortunately, the price we pay for love is pain in the end.
    <3
    Best wishes and Happy Mother's day, I can imagine today was very difficult.

    ReplyDelete

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