My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Before there were 3…

He was so much more than a 7 year old boy with two rare diseases, combined in a rare way.

He was beautiful.

Loving.

Compassionate and sensitive.

He was a crack up…always good for a silly laugh that tickles you all the way down to your belly.

He was genuine and thoughtful.

He always put others before himself.

He loved his brothers with all of his heart and never liked if anyone was rude to them…except for him of course!

His smile was as sweet as I’ve ever seen before.

He had a sweet way of cheating while playing the Wii with everyone…Hunter says that’s what he misses most.

He was a very calm, happy and easy going baby.

He didn’t walk til his first birthday…

the first time he saw the gorillas at the zoo he exclaimed “DADDY!!!”

When we moved him from his crib to toddler bed he never got out of it at night…he enjoyed becoming the big brother.

he always wanted “to see baby hunter mama” and started to stay awake instead of nap when Hunter was first born.

always loved him.

always looked out for him.

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he wanted to be with Hunter around the clock…they were best buddies

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He loved to help around the house.

he adored his dad.

he wanted to be just like him…

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He showed love and respect to adults, nurses and doctors.

he was extremely tickilish.

he loved school…and his brother Hunter hated to be away from him for those 3 long hours…

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because they shared such a close, unique relationship from day one…

they were more than brothers, more than best friends…they truly are kindred spirits

a very close bond that’s hard to put words to but you can see it in pictures

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I can see why Hunter is so stricken with grief. He feels the loss to his core.

His best friend has been stolen away far too soon. a 5 year old doesn’t get they “why”, heck I’m not even sure that I do.

Hunter balled himself to sleep the other night between Brad and I…that was heartbreaking…but I’m glad he’s getting some emotion out.

I was gonna talk more about Conner in this post…but I’m just so stricken by the relationship between Hunter and Conner that I will let that be the focus.

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Oh Hunter dear,
I am so sorry for YOUR loss…

 

Love Love Love

6 comments:

  1. I have sympathy for you, I do. But I'm nervous for your other children. Because you are struck so hard with grief, do you think your children are suffering? I hope they know they still have loving parents. Just one parent to another. It might be helpful to get some help, for example some family watching the kids while you take care of yourself. If you take care of yourself, you will be a better mom. You will be in my prayers.

    Susan

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  2. Such a sweet post! I'm glad Hunter has you and Brad as parents. He definitely must feel happy to be able to go cuddle up with you and mourn. Love!

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  3. Beautiful loving brothers, so hard to understand Why, sending love, you write so eloquently from your heart. I truly wish he could be back and healthy, until you all are together again, please keep sharing your love and heartfelt words. You encourage and inspire me and others.

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  4. I came upon your blog through a friends post on fb. Very heartbreaking, but more so very uplifting and couragous for you, your family, ande especially your son.

    Ironically, just 2 hours prior to clicking on your blog my 111/2 month old sons doctor came into his hospital room and told us his sweat test for the CF was NEGATIVE. The results we were praying for and have also been scared to receive over the past 24 hours.

    At this month he has been sick for over 2 months (nothing like what your son faced) and is now hospitalized with pneumonia and RSV. He is improving and we are hoping to take him home tomorrow. A lot of the signs and sickness were pointing to cf, thank God this is not the case.

    I will certainly be putting you and your family in my prayers for the holiday season. And look forward to following your families journey.

    You can follow us at http://jessevans1980.blogspot.com/

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  5. Nothing more beautiful than sibling love! Thanks for sharing such wonderful pictures of 2 brothers who share such a remarkable bond.

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  6. Thanks for sharing the beautiful Brother photos! I pray that Hunter is doing well and has happy memories of Conner.

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