My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Monday, December 6, 2010

Random acts of CONNER…

So Conner boy has been busy lately.

Lots of visiting.

Lots of Love he’s been giving…

So I wanted to let you all know what he’s been up to…

*He’s been visiting many, MANY people in their dreams.

*Each day there’s at least ONE occurance of me randomly finding red where I’m sitting, standing etc. For example tonight it was, I was at a mixer event and was standing near the table I was representing, and I look down and my foot is standing right next to red paper of some sort…

*A few weeks ago there was red string in my blankets when I awoke in the morning, and just today his buddy Nate woke from his nap with red string in hand.

*His bingo buddy Matt is back in the hospital tonight. Matt got a Wii in his room and went to play a game and GUESS whose Mii’s popped up? All on one screen was Conner, Hunter, Mommy, Daddy, Bradyn, Grover and James (another CF buddy) I mean HELLO!!!

*A few weeks ago his other cf buddy, Miss Tessica was playing Conners favorite, Wednesday BINGO at Doernbecher and when she won, she raced to call in to be the first to win, but alas someone beat her to calling in, and his name was CONNER. (they were bingo rivals if you didn’t know)

*Too many red sunsets to count

*I was searching on Amazon last night for more books on grief and guess what book popped up? Here’s the cover..and tell ME that’s not from Conner

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Red balloon and all…safe in the arms of God. Love it. Of course I bought it…

and beyond that He’s leading me to meet new people almost daily…and almost always leading me to talk about him and share his story of LOVE. It never fails that people will be touched and blessed by his love story. Our families love story. He’s put life into perspective for me and for so many people. Lives are forever changed because of him. FOr 7 years old, isn’t that amazing? You can google his name and you can get Conner spelled out and his full name will pop up Conner Reed Jones and there are pages and pages about him. blogs written. lives touched. perspectives changed. and to think that this was all part of Gods amazing plan for my family. Living in the greatest pain, and feeling so inadequate trying to fight that horrible beast, CF, and all along “his plans were to prosper us and not to harm us”.

amazing!!!

There truly is beauty in pain.

There truly is LOVe in death.

There truly is purpose and reason to hope.

Tonight, as I was reflecting back over all the ways He’s still with me…for the firsttime since his passing I just felt happy. SO happy for him. I wonder if he knew all along the plan for his short life…and if he knew the depth of meaning his name would carry. I wonder if he knew how greatly his LOVE would change this world?

I don’t know…but I will certainly find that out when my time here is done.

what I do know for sure though…is I’m one proud mama tonight.

my heart is glad.

there’s tears of joy in my eyes and a smile of LOVE on my face.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

6 comments:

  1. LOVE LOVE LOVE for sure! Wes and I did an act of kindness for Conner by sending Christmas gifts to a CF family in need. Breath easy Conner you are a true warrior and your love continues each and every day for us all.

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  2. Loving that you have a smile of LOVE on your face and joyful tears in your eyes tonight Sarah! Simply AMAZING these random acts of Conner. Thank you so very much for sharing your LOVE story with us.

    love love love
    always always always

    ReplyDelete
  3. Connor touched so many people with his smile and his attitude and his love for his family and friends. Thank you for sharing him with us. I don't think you can count the number of people he's effected or how many of us carry his memory in their hearts. All I know is that every time I see a red lego I think of a sweet little boy who I never new in person but yet was deeply effected by. It's so sweet that he is visiting not just you but also his friends. They truly have an angel watching over and protecting them as does your family.

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  4. Aww such cute visits and gifts! I'm sure they make the day go by and be sweet instead of bitter. Can't wait to hear what other visits and presents he brings with him through out the holidays!

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  5. Sweet, sweet Sarah! I think of you often -actually, every time I walk by my refrigerator, I look at Conner's sweet face on the postcard you sent with the Tshirts. I am just so very sorry for you. I want to cry. And then I'm always amazed at your strength. You are such an inspiration. I'm going to be honest -I saved the you tube video of Conner's port being accessed. If I'm having a woe is me day -I watch it. Such a brave, brave boy he is -what would I EVER have to complain about?!
    As always, thanks for sharing Conner with me. He is my joy today:)
    love, love, love
    Julie Ball

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  6. This post makes me SMILE larger than life!! What an amazing young boy you have and you SHOULD be one proud mama.

    ReplyDelete

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