My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Tuesday, November 16, 2010

that’s IT!!!!!

My heart is broken and the tears are a flowing…so much to explain…

Life I think we all can agree is so much better after high school.

the drama of it all.

the he said/she said.

the back stabbing…

the two faceness…

the constant fighting, argueing…betrayal…belitteling…

I don’t know about YOU…but I’m so glad to be done with High school.

But are YOU…?

We move from the ugliness and constant peer scrutiny of High school to the self scrutiny of motherhood or adulthood.

As moms we are so hyper critical of ourselves.

we see what people appear to be on the outside and assume they have it all together.

that we can never measure up.

that we’re bad parents…bad moms.

giving our child too much tv time…or too many snacks…on and on AND ON AND ON…

ENOUGH!!!!

My post the other day was about looking beyond the ordinary things we consider blessings and searching beneath that…deep down into the HARD stuff to find our TRUE BLESSINGS. I would never see CF the disease as a blessing…BUT I DO see how it blesses our lives. It connects 30,000 of us in ways that the other billion people in the world can’t truly relate to. Being BLESSED with disease causes us to FIGHT for each medication, every doctor appointment, each lung infection, each and every breath. It BLESSES us to reach beyond the US we thought we were…all the stronger we THOUGHT we could be and dig deeper to find infact that WE ARE STRONGER than even we knew. That God designed us for GREATNESS  beyond what anyone can ever imagine. We just have to see the BLESSINGS in the ugly wrapper…

Beyond the disease and back to being a mom in the first place.

it’s hard work.

it’s always second guessing, the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s…we beat ourselves up every day over things we shoulda done differently. We see other mama’s and SWEAR they’re so much better than us. but it’s not true.

IT’S A HUGE LIE!!!!

We need to be ok with being a mom the way WE know how to. We ALL do the VERY BEST with whats been given to us and we need to stop critisizing. We need to stop comparing. we need to stop believing ourselves as failures. we need to stop LISTENING to other moms put us down because they too are insecure and unsure of themselves also. we ALL ARE.

We need to let people voice their worries and concerns free of JUDGEMENT.

See just cus we have the common thread of cf DOESN’T mean we all have to be friends. That’s like saying that I’m Polish, therefore I am friends with all Pollocks…(and yes I am a pollock so I can say that!!!)

We need to understand just how different we all are.

my mom and dad were not your mom and dad.

my parents divorce is not the same as your parents divorce.

the way I was disciplined was not the way you were.

the foods my parents gave me, yours gave you different…

on and on..

so you could never truly get what makes me tick…nor I, you…

Each and EVERY experience we have uniquely growing up leads us to the PEOPLE we are and become. So no two people can ever be the same. So NOBODY WILL EVER UNDERSTAND ANY TEENY BIT OF YOUR LIFE THE WAY YOU DO…your worries, your sadness, your joy, your pain…because NOBODY GREW UP EXACTLY THE SAME AS YOU DID….

When people post on facebook or blogs out of fear, worry, joy, sadness, concern any of it…it is just that.

one persons exact emotions and feelings brought out in that exact emotion stemming from ALL THINGS that occurred in their life up to that point.

it is unique and it is their truth.

It doesn’t mean it’s your truth.

but that’s great!!!

cus your truth will never be my truth either.

Freedom of speech, freedom of feelings, freedom of worry and love and concern…is not ours to take away from someone, whether or not it is commented upon “lovingly” or not. it is what it is..and it’s EVERYTHING to the one who shares it. because it’s EVERYTHING TO THEM…

Please ladies and gentlemen…PLEASE…

can we please take a HUGE step from high school and a HUGE STEP towards adulthood and maturity.

and realize that just because what someone says may come across as harsh or confusing to us doesn’t make it ONE BIT less true for that person.

Specifically I bring this up is because of Kayla. No further details needed there. But…here’s something to think about…

are you friending people on FB because you both have connections to CF…are you friending people so you can help build them back up because in this FIGHT there are times when we all need words of LOVE and encouragement???

or…

are you friending people just cus of cf? Because if so…that’s not a good enough reason.

God calls us to be like HIM.

Loving, empathetic, supportive, faithful, prayerful, graceful, and most of all KIND. Because if your “friending” people just so you always know whats going on in someones world then truly that’s just being nosy and not genuine. There are SO MANY mama’s right now watching their babies slowly suffer and slowly die. And I know that pain very well friends. I tell you what…that is a time when we as people of GOD need to step in not just cus of cf and truly BE THERE TO LOVE AND SUPPORT those women. Life is all about love and relationships. I can’t imagine going thru all of this now without genuine friendships and people with genuine love for me and my family. and goodness it just brings me to tears to see the negativity that swells out there in FB land.

If your not part of the solution my friends, then your part of the problem…

Love on people.

Build them up and stop tearing them down.

the world isn’t going to spin off it’s axis if you were to die tomorrow, myself included in that…so why can’t we see that this life is NOT ABOUT US? it’s about reaching out and being there for OTHERS?

Love and Grace and Peace

I hope this touches your heart in some small way…cus it KILLS mine to see this tearing down of others…it needs to stop

Love Love Love

077

in Conners name LOVE people…everything else is meaningless

 

15 comments:

  1. WELL SAID. Of all things in this world that connect people, CF should never be something that connects people to tear each other down. :o( The disease itself does enough of that on its own. Makes me sad to hear that things of that sort are happening. Some people are catty & judgmental by nature, I guess... But that doesn't get you anything. Shame on them.

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  2. I'm friending CFers and their parents because I want to find more ways to be part of the solution to fight for CF and make it stand for Cure Found. I friend them because I know there are chickens out there that don't know how to ask "can I write a letter for help for you." Its part of a legacy that I promised a little CF boy in a DQ I would lead to live for him since both him and his caregiving grandma were terminally ill. They both died within a year after I met them. The mother chickened out and is running a muck on drugs..

    I agree that if you friend someone JUST because of CF then it IS not enough. If you want to join the CF Community to bring change, awareness, and raise funds for a cure then go for it...

    I'm still pretty peeved at that woman who I friended who faked having CF then said her bipolar gave her CF symptoms then publicly admitted to SMOKING!!!! ughh..

    I agree with everything you said --- "THATS IT"!!!

    ~Melissa Jones-Weston

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  3. WELL SAID!!! It's hard to see that people can be so mean and cruel.. I have always been taught if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. CF is hard enough to deal with, us parents with CF children and other with CF don't want the feel sorry for me story and we don't need the meanness... I hope things calm down for Kayla and all the others that may be going through this too.

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  4. Sarah, I believe I know at least part of what brought this on today... a certain situation on facebook, perhaps?

    I have a difficult time when I see people who are so quick to make judgement and find fault in one another. We are here to SUPPORT each other, not to be in competition. It's a shame when people lose sight of that. And, no matter what someone feels or thinks, in the end it all boils down to RESPECT. We need to respect each other as members of this community, as moms, as PEOPLE.

    Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts.

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  5. well said, *standing ovation*
    I really dont have much else to say. everything that can be said has been said.
    sending love and support to everyone and anyone who needs it <3

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  6. I agree a million percent! I got more involved int he CF community about a year ago and have had my ups and downs with being part of the community. As a blogger, I have heard people criticize words I've chosen to use, ways that I have described things. Some say I'm too negative, others that I'm too positive. I'm only trying to be real. Some of my experiences are sad and others are happy. Sometimes it does feel like High School. Everyone copes and deals with CF differently. I sometimes wish others would respect that and hold their comments. {{{HUGS}}}

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  7. You have such a gift Sarah. You really have a way with words. I couldn't agree with you more. Thanks for posting. ((Hugs))

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  8. I agree with Jenny, you have such a way with words. Your messages are wonderful and beautifully written! I also agree with your message very much, well said Sarah!

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  9. It's all about love and support. I just sent Kayla a message basically saying what you just said. I don't know either of you personally, but I do know I have a son with CF with multiple other issues with way to many hospitalizations. I understand that part, but we can truly never understand someone else's feelings we can only support and love each other.
    Kim Elliott

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  10. You know my thoughts on this, as I was just venting a couple of weeks about this same subject! UGH! FOR REALS! I only want to be judged by one... and that one is Jesus Christ himself at the time that I walk through those beautiful pearly gates. Until then get over yourself people.

    Lets unite and hold each other up.
    Lets band together and help raise awareness and get a freakin cure.
    Lets LOVE one another for the sake of all these little children and adults with CF that struggle to breath every single day.

    No one has ever walked in my shoes. And I certainly do not judge my neighbor as their shoes wouldn't fit me either....

    Sarah... as always you your beautiful family are in my prayers, and Kayla and her sweet family are right there beside yours!

    LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

    -Beth

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  11. Hope the drama and BS subsides, it is truly a shame. We shame our creator, when we behave this way. Yes, we are all imperfect persons and we will(not might) make mistakes and hurt people with our words or actions, unintentionally. It is our obligation to God, that we think before we speak and try our best to treat others as we would like to be treated, and repair any damage or hurt that we may have unintentionally created...The Golden Rule! Those "intentional" cuts and negatives, well shame on those perpetrating them!

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  12. Sarah, you say it so well. This goes for alot of things. We are all in this life to help others, not just for ourselves. It's not a competition but some people can't get over themselves. Doing things from your heart and out of LOVE is so imporant. Ths is exactly why I do what I do with PBSN. It's a true genuine caring to help others not go through this alone. Respect and maturity need to be present with all of us in all facets of life. Thanks for telling it like it is. Your words are perfect, as always. HUGS!!

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  13. One of my childhood friends recently passed away from CF. It was her mother who posted on her FB page the red roses for Conner. That was how I found you :). I am also the mom of a micropreemie with some developmental delays so I am all too familiar with the judgments made when you have a child with special needs. I have also been through the loss of a child, my dear son Noah.
    I so agree with EVERYTHING you say Sarah!!! As moms we need to stop scrutinizing and judging each other. I so feel for Kayla. Usually I don't focus on a person's age because that in no way defines them as a person. However, for her to handle as much as she has to handle at 21. Wow. Those who judge Kayla should ask themselves what THEY were doing at 21, I for one was a little brat still living with my parents.
    I read her blog and I just feel so much for her and her family. CF SUCKS!!! (I would use more expletives here but I don't want to offend you or your readers. LOL). It is just awful how it takes these precious precious children away from their parents or so sick that often they can't enjoy a quality of life like the rest of us average folk can. They have to fight to breathe, where breathing is a privilege and not a right. Horrible.

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