My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Thursday, June 24, 2010

the end

….is near.

Conner took a horrible turn last night.

We feel today will be his last day…if not today then very, very soon.

god help us all…

 

006

84 comments:

  1. I am praying for Conner and your family. May you all find peace.

    Love from Minnesota,
    Stephanie

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  2. I cannot even imagine how hard this must be. :::Sigh::: I am so so sorry.

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  3. Hugs and prayers. wishing I had magic words of comfort, but please know I am thinking of your family.

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  4. I am praying for each one of you. May God's peace be with you now and forever.

    By the way, I am Blake Lawler's sister from Alabama (he and my mother met you all at the PBS convention last year in Dallas)

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  5. Keeping you all close in my thoughts and prayers!!! Thanks for touching my heart little Conner...such a little fighter!!!

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  6. I don't know you and you don't know me. I saw your blog on a friends blog and it drew me in. I am sitting at my computer in tears. I have a son. He is my heart and soul. I could not imagine your pain.
    My heart goes out to you and your family. May you find peace of mind in the Lord.

    You will be in my prayers.

    - Love from Dallas

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  7. My heart is broken for you...praying!

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  8. I'm sure there are no words that are going to bring you comfort right now Sarah.

    Praying for little Connor.

    (((hugs)))

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  9. There are no words that anyone can say that will make this easier - I know because I lost my only son and also oldest child to CF at the age of 26 to CF. That was 10 years ago.

    Praying for your family and thanking you for sharing your story.....

    Shirley
    Fort Worth, TX

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  10. Dear LORD,

    Please put your arms around Conner. Please take away the pain that he is in. Comfort his mom, dad, and his brothers.

    In Jesus name I pray,
    AMEN

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  11. We are praying for you - praying that God will bring each of you His peace that passes all understanding.

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  12. I hope you're holding up as well as can possible be. It's heartbreaking to see such a young child be a the brink of passing. *hugs*

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  13. Dear Sarah,

    A friend of ours, Jackie Williamson, led us to your blog. Her granddaughter has CF. My name is Darla Pittman and I am president of the Marichi Turner Foundation. Our non-profit organization grants wishes to children across the country with CF. My best friend, Marichi, had CF. I do not know if our organization can do anything for Conner or your family but if we can do anything please let us know. Your family is in our prayers.

    Darla Pittman
    tmtfoundation@gmail.com
    phone 225-937-9317
    facebook: The Marichi Turner Foundation
    address: 35551 Melrose Ave.
    Denham Springs, LA 70706

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  14. Praying that this time will be as peaceful as possible for your precious son and for your entire family. I am so incredibly sorry that you guys have to walk this road together. Will be lifting you up often...

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  15. I sit here typing through my tears. I've racked my brain again and again searching for something--anything--to say. All I can think of is LOVE. There is SO MUCH LOVE here.

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  16. Praying for your family and especially your sweet Conner.

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  17. I have been silently reading your blog for several weeks. I will be praying for you endlessly and your sweet boy that he may be at peace. He is a gorgeous boy. And I wish I had the words to make it all better. Much love and strength to you and your family and your sweet Conner.

    Jamie

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  18. I know there are no words that can ease the pain your family is experiencing. No child or parent should ever have to endure what your child and family have gone through. I am praying for Conner and your family.

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  19. Many many prayers for you guys.

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  20. We are with you. Praying for peace, for ease.

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  21. Praying, praying, praying.

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  22. I am just so very sorry that you all have to walk through this. I am on my knees for your family.

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  23. Peace be with Conner, you and your family. Elina and I have you in our thoughts. No words. Just sending you our love through the internet and into the universe.

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  24. I am praying for comfort and peace for you and Conner and your whole family.

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  25. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God's powerful arms hold you all through this difficult time. Stay strong.

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  26. So sorry for your family's pain. As part of the CF family, I feel the pain too. I hope that Conner is at peace soon. So hard to say, yet so true.

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  27. I am so sorry! Your family will definitely be in our thoughts and prayers. We have two children with CF. May God give you strength and peace in the days ahead.

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  28. on my knees and amazed at the hearts your little connor has touched and will continue to touch. praying for you and brad, connor, the boys and your families. i will continue to pray throughout the night as well. i'm heart broken for you but praying for peace for connor as well.

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  29. I pray for you daily. God bless you

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  30. From one CF momma to another...I'm praying for peace and comfort for Connor and your family.

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  31. My niece and nephew both have CF and my heart is breaking for your family. There are no words to ease your pain and that breaks my heart even more. God is planning big things for your Conner. Don't give up on the Lord, he hasn't let you down. Remember that.

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  32. My heart aches for all of you. I have a 2 year old son with CF. Praying and sending peace and comfort. Hugs

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  33. Sarah, praying for peace......I am here for you anytime and all the time. Please know that. HUGS!!!

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  34. You're all in my thoughts. xx

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  35. From one Jones family to another... we are thinking of Connor, you and Brad. We pray for peace...

    ((HUGS))

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  36. My family is praying for Conner and your family.. I lost a daughter two years ago from this horrible disease and I know how you are feeling. No words can express how truly sorry I am that this is happening. God Bless All Of You!

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  37. My prayers are with you all. <3

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  38. Prayers for you and your family are coming from Minneapolis.

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  39. Praying for sweet Conner and your family.

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  40. We are keeping you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

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  41. Praying that you feel God's presence as He holds each of you and praying for peace for Conner.

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  42. Praying Praying praying for Conner and your family! Your in our thoughts and prayers. Breathe Easy Conner!!

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  43. We all pray for a peace that will soothe your bleeding heart. Though it seems as no such peace exists, I have to believe it does. Love to you. Strength through this unfathomable pain. And yes...peace.
    xo
    k.

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  44. Praying for all of you...I've been reading your blog for awhile and your family is never far from my thoughts.

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  45. Sarah - I had earilier posted a comment but I need you to watch "Godspeed" by Radney Foster on Utube - this gets me by countless lonely evenings...praying for peace for your family....Shirley in Fort Worth, TX

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  46. Although we have never met, we worship the same God and it is He that I ask to be ever so near to your family and provide comfort and strength moment by moment.

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  47. Know that the entire CF community, as well as much of the world, is with you and your family right now. Breathe easy, sweet boy.

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  48. We have 5 children and our 9 year old daughter Aryia has Cystic Fibrosis. I have been following your family and am utterly heartbroken for you all. To say this is unfair is an understatement. The tears have been flowing all afternoon, I am just at such a loss as to what to do for you all other than pray.

    .....So I lift you up in prayer and ask that your sweet Conner's breath is not labored, that he is eased with his pain and suffering, that he feels surrounded by absolute love and that your family has peace in your hearts and minds. Breathe easy sweet Conner, you are such an amazing brave little soul that has fight a mighty battle. Love to you all and know you remain in my prayers.
    -Beth

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  49. I am lifting your names up to God and asking Him to surround you with peace and love. *lots of love*

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  50. More prayers for you and your family coming to you from Minnesota. Our God is great... may He greatly comfort you and bring you strength.

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  51. Dear Lord,
    Please comfort this loving family and help them find peace in such a difficult time. Please ease Conner's pain. Amen!

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  52. My heart is aching for you. A mother losing a child must be the worst thing . . . and to just have to watch him. But he knows how much you love him and when the Lord takes him in his arms he will explain to Conner how much you loved him. His pain will be gone, and he will be at peace. I again am sorry for all your suffering.

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  53. as a mother over here in New Zealand... watching my own healthy 7 year old sitting here near me, my heart is aching for you........ I cannot imagine how hard this is, besides reading how your heart is breaking..... I wish I could do something myself to ease Connor's pain.. and your breaking heart.........
    You are in my thoughts. many many hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxGina

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  54. My heart is breaking for you Sarah. I can't even understand it all. I just pray that God's peace be wrapped around Conner tonight and that God will sustain you in the days to come. I told my husband about your son tonight - we don't know you personally but as believers we walk in pain with you.
    Lifting you up in South Dakota
    Kristin

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  55. Sarah, I came your way through a facebook link, asking for prayers for Conner and your family, and prayers I am sending. You and I are the same age, yet I feel so inadequate to say anything. I am lifting you all up in prayer tonight.

    And a bit from my favorite song. "On Eagles Wings"...

    And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
    Bear you on the breath of dawn,
    Make you to shine like the sun,
    And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
    For to His angels He's given a command,
    To guard you in all of your ways,
    Upon their hands they will bear you up,
    Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

    Much love and prayers,
    Kara

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  56. (((Sarah))...I wish I had adequate words for you. My heart breaks for each and every one of you. I can only offer prayers, wishing there was more that could be done but also wish for peace and comfort. Gentle hugs,
    Jenn

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  57. Count me as another person sending all the peace and love and light I can to you and your family, especially Conner. No cliches here, just one person saying to another person, I am sorry. You are all loved very much and this is unfair. We will be here to lift you up in the days, weeks and months to come. Thank you for sharing your heart and your family with us, Conner is a true CF warrior!

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  58. For a minute I thought about not posting a comment at all. Nothing I can say will be of any comfort, of that I am sure. I have never met your or even come across your blog until today.
    God bless that sweet boy's soul.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. May you turn to the Lord for peace and comfort.

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  59. I don't know you, but I found your blog through my friend, Jenny Bell. I, too lost my first child (not from CF though) and I know that there are not any words I can say to ease your pain even a little bit. I just want to let you know that I am praying for Connor and for your family. I am praying that the Lord will intercede and will heal him quickly...if not here, then when he meets Jesus. I wish I could give you a big hug and cry with you. I'm just so sorry...

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  60. I am so very, very sorry to hear about Connor. I know you don't know me, but a friend of mine with CF sent me this link, knowing your story would mean alot to me. My younger brother passed away at the age of 10 from an issue that caused ongoing, progressive brain death, mental retarddation, and one of the worst ever recorded cases of epilepsy. He also had CF. It hurt like hell to loose him, and I can't even imagine what it was like for my mom. It had to be a thousand times worse.

    We all still talk about him constantly- his sense of humor, the trouble he loved to cause, his hugs. I think we all miss his hugs the most. But the lessons he taught us have changed us all forever, making us far better people than we ever would have been without him. His short time here was for a reason.

    He taught us to love unconditionally, to hug everyone, to not hold a grudge, and to live every day like it's your last. I hope you take the lessons Connor has taught you these last beautiful 7 years and do something amazing with them.

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  61. Like all the others who have commented before me, I am heartbroken for you and your family. Sending you strength and love from Israel, and wishing Conner peace. He couldn't be blessed with a more wonderful family.

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  62. Sarah,

    Sending hugs and prayers to you. I'm a CF momma too and I know exactly what you're going through. I pray that God will surround you and uphold you in His strong and loving arms each minute of each day.

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  63. Poor baby... that picture is so, I don't know what to say. Conner is such a beautiful soul! I'm so sorry Sarah... so sorry. It's not right. I don't know what to say but I am so sorry for your lose! For the terrible pain you are going through right now! For his poor little brothers... and his daddy that loves him so much! I don't know you but I know it! You are so strong... Conner will never be gone! He will always be with you guys! Much love to you all!

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  64. I think about you and Conner and your family all the time, and today you have consumed my thoughts. Both my children have CF as well, but I still can not imagine going through this. You are so strong, and Conner is such a light and a fighter. There are so many prayers going up for Conner and your family, and I know God listens. I pray for peace for Conner and comfort and strength for your family. May you somehow find the way through all the pain into God's arms and be wrapped in His grace.

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  65. Thinking of you, hope Connor is peaceful and without pain, hope you can make the most of this last bit of time with him.

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  66. I just want you to know that you are by far the most amazing woman alive. This journey that you've partaken in is absolutely amazing. I've been praying for my next move to make, and you've helped me find that. I pray for continuous strength for you, your family, and Connor. You and Connor have inspired me and I am greatful. God will always be watching over you and your children. Continue to give God all control and the best will result!

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  67. I don't know what to say. I never have. My son is only a few months younger than Conner, and also has CF, and it has been breaking my heart to see what CF has done to Conner. I think I cried for about a half an hour after reading your post, because I know where you are coming from. I had to call my mother to cry to her about it, I just didn't know how to cope. It strikes me at my heart because I don't know what I would do if and when I am close to loosing my son. God is still on the throne, and somehow He is there through all of this. We keep looking for Him, and searching Him out, when He was right in front of us all the time.

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  68. I am a friend of a friend of a friend of yours and was just pointed to your blog and I wanted to let you know that I am praying God's hand of mercy on you and your family. My heart is breaking for you and I cannot imagine a worse pain than losing your boy. I will pray with all my might that His hand is on you, that He holds you through all of this and that you can feel Him every second of every day, with every tear with every memory. I pray that your faith will sustain you, that you will see His purpose in every detail.

    I know I am a stranger, I am no one in your world. There is nothing tangable that I can do for you- nothing. I will go to His throne and beg HIm on your behalf tonight- beg Him to sit with you and Connor. It's all I can do, and I hope His presence is felt by you as a result.

    Dana

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  69. It's so hard to read your pain, especially as a parent. I cannot even imagine. He's in my thoughts and you and your family in my prayers.

    May you find comfort, somehow.

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  70. God's plan for Conner is beyond our comprehension. Conner's influence extends across the world, and because of that, so many people are closer to God through all that Conner had gone through. In his seven years, he has touched more lives and left such a huge footprint that many of us will never accomplish.
    May God comfort your family during this time in the way that only He can do.

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  71. Dear Sarah, Brad and boys,

    I have been reading Conner's story with so much sadness, especially as he is the same age and looks quite similar to my little man Camden (CF).

    Your honesty and bravery has touched me very deeply and I would like to thank you for blessing the world with the ability to know your family and Conner's battle.

    I pray you find the strength to cope with this extremely difficult time and I hope the love from people all over the world helps to support you in some small way.

    May Conner breathe easy and play with the angels.

    Love from Australia,

    Fiona, Brennah, Annalise and Camden

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  72. Dear Sarah,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family. I have followed your blog for some time and never commented as I felt I didn't know just the right words to say. Tonight, I just wanted to let you know that there is one extra person sending you well wishes this evening and praying for you, Connor and your family.
    Julie

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  73. I found this site today through a friend with C.F. I understand what you are going through. I know there are no words to say to ease your pain. I have been there. We lost our only son Johnny, at 21 years old, almost 11 years ago. I read you comments and so remembered feeling exactly like you are feeling. CF is the most horrific Disease and I pray sweet Connor will be at rest soon. I'm so sorry for your family, just know that there are so many praying that God will take him home to Heaven real soon. If you ever need someone to talk to, I would help in any way. Not a day goes by when we don't miss Johnny, but I would not call him back to suffer all he suffered. He;s in Heaven now Breathing and running and laughing without having to stop to catch his breath.Connor will know that peace/freedom very soon and Johnny so loved children, so maybe he will show him around in heaven. God bless and keep you and your family in his loving arms.

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  74. Dear Jones Family -

    We do not know you...we are not even on your "friends list" on Facebook, we read your blog through a mutual friend that we have. We have posted this blog on our profile in hopes to gather more prayers & thoughts, if not more donations, for Connor & your family!!

    I wish I knew the right words, however nothing I say is going to change the situation!! I guess f I could say only thing that might help ease your pain, it's that you & your family will be blessed with the most beautiful Guardian Angel anyone could have once Connor receives his wings...and I hope that that helps, if even a little, on the days ahead!!

    Again, our thoughts & prayers are with you, your family, & especially little Connor!! May God hold you & your family in his hands - close & tight!!

    Hugs & Love from Minnesota -
    The Leonida Family
    Misty n Mike (Misty Pearson) on facebook

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  75. I also am one who does not know you. My 9 year old son and I prayed for you and Conner and your family and friends tonight. I pray that Conner will be without pain and for peace for you and your family. I've never lost a child and I can't imagine what you are going through. My 9 year old is the oldest of 3 brothers like your Conner and he was touched by Conner's story.

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  76. so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what you are going through but praying you have God's peace and love surround you and your family.

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  77. Conner, breathe easy in God's arms with the ease and comfort that you deserved on this earth. Sarah, as a fellow CF mom I admire your bravery and your fierce spirit. You did everything you could to make Conner's life beautiful. You have traveled your path with strength and dignity. Blessings and peace to you and your family.

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  78. There are no words I could say that would ease the pain you're feeling right now, but I'm thinking about you and praying that God gives you the extra strength that you need. Sending you and your family so much love Sarah.

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  79. Our love and prayers go out to you and your family. This summer will be 8 year since our son lost his battle with Cystic Fibrosis. I know how your heart hurts, just be so thankful for the good memories. Rita

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  80. Alright, ever since my aunt posted your story on facebook, I have been trying to figure out what I would say...I have been crying for two days for your family. I am so sorry for everything you have gone through. I do not know what I would do if I lost my son. You are strong and brave and in my prayers. Clarissa

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