My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Friday, June 18, 2010

No need to argue parents just don’t UNDERSTAND

Totally not unlike the DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince song that I’m sure you have stuck in your head now.

You’re welcome!

It’s just a day for me I guess. It’s Friday, my hubby is home with us, we took the kids to see Toy Story 3 this am and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT, but this day is leaving a very sour taste in my mouth already and it’s only have over. (Please Lord let time speed up to end this day!)

I can’t really go into too many details of it all but I just wish people would listen.

I really wish that they’d finally “get it”

I feel very unheard.

Unlistened to.

Like what I say isn’t taken seriously.

Like what I say is to always start a ruckus.

It’s been so long and I’ve been saying the same thing over and over AND OVER AND OVER….until I’m WAY past blue in the face…but it seems to still haven’t gotten thru.

Hasn’t sunk in.

Only now instead of making me angry how it has before.

Today I’m crushed.





Heart broken.


I wish eyes could be opened. and hearts as well.

I wish for once that I felt like I wasn’t the one whose trying to be selfish.

Because I’m not.

I’m being completely realistic.

Times have changed. Situations have changed. and yet here we are at ground zero…having the same conversations. over and over and over again still.

But i’m just crushed now. I’m hurt.

What could I possibly have left to say that I haven’t said already?

Or what more can I do to possibly have it finally sink in and make sense?

I thought maybe we were nearing the finish line between getting it and not getting it.

But I guess not.

Guess we’re starting over.

Only I just don’t know what to do.

What to say.

Or even if I should.

It shouldn’t even be a discussion.

Should I even waste my time? Because thats all it in anymore. A waste of my time. Expressing the truth of the matter over again. Being blamed as the bad guy. I’m just past this. I thought we all were.

Guess I was wrong.

Guess my expectations were too high. Are too high. Who knows.

I just don’t get it…and I think for now I’m done trying to…




  1. I really don't know what to say, but I just wanted to let you know I'm here, listening, praying, and willing to do whatever I can to comfort you.

    Lots of love <3

  2. Praying for you...may God wrap His arms of peace around you.


  3. Your day and mine had two things in common - Toy Story 3 and a conversation that Ive had many times with a dear parent that, I realize, won't ever really get it. You can only turn a phrase so many ways. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

  4. oh sweetheart! I SO MISS YOU!!! i'll try to call you tomorrow, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers completely!! I'm so sorry that people can be cruel and selfish, because that is not what you need at this time. I pray that God would provide a hedge of protection around your heart and your family as you walk this journey you!!


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