My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Sunday, January 10, 2010

CF may have won this battle, but NOT the WAR!

Well here we are, still sitting at Doernbecher Childrens Hospital in Portland OR....still on IV's... still having 104 fevers...and still NO ANSWERS! Everything comes back clean. Looks like Conner is mystery man these days. He has had these high fevers for 5 days now. It has gotten very old! Conner's sputum came back with pseudomonas and mrsa. and i just KNEW that once they had us end his TOBI nebs that lovely PA would come right back...well so it's taken a few months but yep it's back. I hate this combination. The inhaled Gent that he's on covers both mrsa and PA so we will not be going back to Inhaled vanco i believe. They have not told me yet if we will be restarting TOBI every other month again. I hope not. That would make his treatments so long, don't get me wrong we will do them, we don't skip treatments, but gosh it's so much easier to not have all of these extra neb treatments. At least now he's not in school (i've pulled him out since early October for home tutoring thru the school district to limit his exposure to the h1n1 etc) so we have no specific time we need to get treatments done. But i do have 3 children that need me. They need all of me. We don't get much time away from the hospital or clinic these days so when I'm home I try SO hard to be there for my other 2 boys. I miss them to peices when Conner and I are away at the hospital, and i KNOW they miss me too. Little boys need their mamas!
So Conner's on Zosyn IV, Tobi IV and Zyvox IV and theyre using inhaled Gent to fight the lung bugs too. I sure hope that these start to make a difference soon so we can get outta here.
Speaking of which...we were scheduled to fly out tomorrow for Conner's make a wish. That has been postponed. We are shooting for a departure date of Wednesday. I hope so much we can get there this time. He has to be rid of these fevers. Doc says his lungs sound so much better then they did on admit last week. I'm sure they do because last night he threw up a TON of lovely mucus from his lungs (YA CONNER!) the fever is our last hurdle.
Peds pulmonary doc changes tomorrow, but the doc we had this week relays all thats gone on to the oncoming doc...and of course we know all 3 CF docs very well. So Dr Wall will be on board to get us outta here as soon as possible to complete Conners one heart felt wish to go to Hawaii to fly in a helicopter to see the volcanos and lava...and to go on a whale watching trip...
we'll get there i know it.
but dang that CF for once again foiling our plans. We never make plans in advance anymore, because Conner's health is just so fragile anymore, but you have to plan a date for Make a wish of course and look where we wind up. So the lesson in this really live ONE day at a time, and not to worry over tomorrow...for today has ENOUGH worry in itself!!!
I hope to write soon to say that we're going home!!!

1 comment:

  1. Its strange you post this. I was taken out by a crazy virus that gave me fevers and made me feel awful. I ended up in the ICU b/c of it. But I didn't feel normal CF sick, just fluish sick. Well noone could ever figure out what it was. But I went from a clear chest x-ray, to complete coverage in 2 weeks(as I had just gotten home from the hospital, 2 weeks prior to entering the ICU). I hope its nothing major and your kiddo feels better soon. If you respond to my blog, I haven't blogged much lately b/c I've been sick but Ill be back soon.


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