My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Friday, January 22, 2010

The trip of a LIFEtime

Gosh...I'm not even sure where to start. my heart is swelling with the love that was shown to us this past week, that will live with us our entire lives. There's simply too much to tell. The stories of generosity, support, and love from family and complete strangers alike. This trip far exceeded our greatest hopes and Conner's greatest dreams. Pictures really say it all, and we took, almost 900 of them on our own cameras. But the grandparents took more as well.

He saw whales, whales everywhere...he saw lava...he went in a helicopter, he went swimming with the dolphins and fed them fish, he received a lei greeting, he swam in the ocean and pools, he saw a hula show, he went to an authentic luau and saw the fire dancers, he saw his dad and mom do the hula on stage, he saw his papa attempt to blow a conk shell to start the luau, he saw what humidity does to his baby brothers hair (CRAZY!), he went in the cockpit of the hawaiian airlines plane and learned to fly, he got the pilots REAL pilos wings (not fake ones..his own real one), he saw a mongoose, he saw plenty of beautiful flowers, he saw black sand, he saw spinner dolphins and bottlenosed dolphins, he went on a whale watching cruise, he saw the entire island by helicopter, he joined the thousands of locals and travelers who write their name in the black lava with white coral rocks by writing out his name to be there for years to come, he had a Hawaiian pastor pray a healing blessing over him, he left his footprints in the crystal white hawaiian sand, he buried his dad in the sand at hapuna beach, he picked out gifts for his friends, he had time for lots of hugs and kisses for his family, he saw water as blue as he'd ever seen, he saw Gods beauty and grace everywhere, everyday, and every minute.

I can't even begin to say thank you to those who helped us get there by prayer, support, money donation and grace. Conner received over $530 from people we met on the island, when they met him and heard of his story and struggle. People were just so generous to our family. Their generosity made his wish of swimming with the dolphins come true, another persons generosity allowed him to buy the hawaiian airplane he had his heart set on, another generous gift allowed us to be able to go to the authentic luau, another gift bought us meals for the airplane and tonight for dinner just the 5 of us. he was able to get and do everything he wanted. Yet he shared with his brothers and family. His heart is so generous.

There simply aren't enough words in this world to describe the way I feel about this trip. The way we all feel about this trip. How greatful I am, how I am the luckiest woman in the world that I was chosen to be his mother, how blessed I am to be able to hug him and kiss him whenever I want know he's ours, if even for just a moment longer.
No, I'm not a dancer, but to fulfill his wish of me doing the hula in front of an audience was a no-brainer for me. I got to see him smile because of that. Who cares that I looked ridiculous. To see the smile on his face for getting to bury his daddy in the sand which he's been talking about for weeks was heart warming.
Yes he struggeled a bit to breathe, sure he wasn't feeling very well for most of the trip, and of course he missed out on some amazing island food because he was too ill to eat but oh my gosh...he did it! what an amazing journey. He got to do it! and he LIVED every minute of it to the absolute extent of his abilities. He cherished it. He loved it.

there's simply just too much to say, too many stories to share. and simply not enough time or even the words to speak it aloud...just know that God was ever present on this trip, I felt him from the tips of my fingers to the tippiest of my toenails. He made this possible. He brought these amazing experiences to reality and planned them out so perfectly. because he loves us. because he's there for us. because thru all our struggles these past years he's proven to us without any doubt that he infact, will NEVER leave us. and we, as a family will never be the same again.

simply amazing


  1. Hi Sarah,
    I saw your post on Ronnie's blog (Run Sickboy Run) and came to see your blog....I am 26, have CF as well, and have a blog too :).
    What a beautiful story of your trip to Hawaii- I know just where you've been (kona, right?!) and it's such an incredible place. I feel like God's presence is there. I'm curious as to which church you went to because I, just last year went to Kona and was prayed over by a Hawaiian Pastor- that was the biggest blessing and I feel like God used that trip to not only heal me physically (as I was sick at the time) but also spiritually brought me so much closer to God- I saw God in every part of the trip and was blessed immensely. So I immediately wanted to respond to your post!
    I am SO thrilled you guys had an incredible, memorable trip to Hawaii, and thanks for being willing to share your story a little on Ronnie's blog- I'm glad that led me to find yours so I can read all about your continued journey of life with a little boy with CF :)
    Blessings to you!!
    Emily (

  2. Kory and I decided that we're going to start donating to Make a Wish on a yearly basis....I just love all the memories you made on this trip and I am so grateful to them for making it all happen.
    Thank you for all the journal writing your have made....I hope someday I can be half the mom you're!!!

  3. Sarah, my family and I actually just moved to the Big Island. As you were speaking of all the places you went, I was wondering if it was here. Then you said Hapuna and I knew. That is our favorite beach to go to!!!! Where did you write Conner's name on the rocks? I would love to find it. Praying for you so much!!!

    missa (mom to 2 boys with CF)


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