My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Sunday, January 31, 2010

I've been asked by the OR CFF to be the speaker!!!

I am humbled and excited, nervous and thrilled all at the same time. I've been asked to speak at this years annual "Chef's Dinner & Wine Extraordinaire" for the Oregon CF chapter! It is their largest fundraiser. It is blacktie...I am so excited to be even a small part in getting the much needed funding to advance research and therapies to try to stop that dang monster CF from destroying the lives of too many families...I had some much needed quiet time this evening and really wrote out whats on my heart. Our journey. our struggles. our passion. our drive. our goals. our ambitions. i am pleased with the outcome. i believe my speech is complete! although, being the type A that I am (NO! not ME!) I will read and reread it and maybe change things around a bit or what have you. but the nuts and bolts of it is just how I would want it to stay. An amazing opportunity.
I have to say that sweet Conner man is doing so well these days! He's really perked up since making it home from his wish trip to Hawaii!!!! His oxygen needs have lessened, his smile is back, his zest for life is back, and yes even the fighting with his brothers is back too! that is a sound that i used to dread!!! but let me tell you, after weeks of seeing him just slumped over, not even enough energy to talk or fight...i WELCOME the shift! Bring on the fighting! I am just so glad that he can breathe again! I took him to clinic on Monday and they didn't even have us do pft's or check his o2...that was just a relief. Not sure about you, but i HATE numbers. Especially when they're bad numbers. I don't want them floating around in my brain causing me more greif then Im already dealing with. Phew. Conner will now go to CF clinic AT LEAST every 2-3 weeks they want to keep a very close eye on him. Unless he gets sick, in which case we take him straight in to be admitted. We filled out the forms to extend his home tutoring thru the school district. that was a hard decision to make. first and foremost I want my child to be healthy and safe. but at a very VERY close second i want my child to have an AMAZING quality of life. so to make that choice to not risk his health by sending him into germville was a very tough one. but i really feel it was the best decision given his current health status. we will make arrangements for his friends to come to our house, or maybe he can go to school when they have special activities like library day or's all about quality.
today was also a very bittersweet day for me. i got his paperwork turned in to the local DMV office and got his disabled parking placards. the handicapped parking. ugh. thats a tough bullet to bite. who would've thought that would be so difficult. I was fine talking about it before they actually put them in my hand. i wasn't prepared for that today. i thought i was just dropping off paperwork...but she gave them to me right there...and said "oh gosh honey, this little guy is so young. bless his heart. best of luck to you" and that was IT! done! my heart sunk. my eyes stung. reality sank in.
cf...i hate you!!!


  1. Oh, your last paragraphs broke my heart! I can not imagine the heartbreak of walking out of there with the handicapped parking signs. That would have been it for me, too. I was looking for motivation to sit down today and really start working on our annual CF fundraiser - I do beleive I just found it.

    Your speech will be incredible. Just tell Conner's story. It speaks for itself. Just let your momma's heart show, and no one will need to hear more.

    You are an amazing family and you have done a fanstastic job of meeting your children's needs. Every hard decision you've made has given Connor the incredible life he deserves.

    I'll keep praying for you.

    mom to Emily 4 w/ cf

  2. thank you tami!!!! it is amazing to get support from people I've never met, nor will probably ever meet! I love the CF community! Everyones fighting the same battle and we're all in it together!
    bless you in your fight as well!

  3. That is fantastic, Sarah! I am so happy that he is doing so well!

  4. Sarah, we keep praying and praying for Conner and your family!! You will have a great speech. glad to hear conner is doing better since MAW. It must have been all that sand!! HUGS!! Love, the Grahls!!


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Did You Know....

There are over 100,000 people, the size of a small city, on the transplant list in the US.

There were less than 10,000 deceased organ donors in the US last year. (that's a ratio of 1 organ donor to every 10 transplant patients).

In the time it takes you to shower today, 1 new name is added to the US transplant waiting list.

From the time you woke up this morning to the time you wake up tomorrow morning, 18 people will die waiting for their transplant in the US.

click here to join the organ donation registry