My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

God provides....

We've been home from the hospital for a full day now. We've settled back in, got unpacked and everything washed and sat for a few minutes before dragging it all out and repacking it again! Only we are so excited that we get to! Tomorrow we're leaving for the beach trip that was so graciously provided to our family by Living Hope Church. Thursday thru Monday in a immaculate house right on the beach in Manzanita, OR. We are so blessed and so thrilled to be going. Not only are the accomodations taken care of for us, but they gave us a HUGE tote full of beach toys and sand fun, kites and bubbles galore. Our kids are more than excited for this wonderful distraction. Life has been so difficult and mundane, just going thru the day to day motions, this couldn't come at a better time. We all need a good distraction and some very quality family time together away. I had a garage sale last weekend and managed to sell enough stuff to more than take care of our food and gas needs for this trip, so that too is a huge blessing. We're taking Conners pain meds and his IV antibiotics along with his other daily medications oh yes and plenty of oxygen to get us thru this trip very comfortably. Much like Conner mans make a wish in january to hawaii, this is giving our family something to look forward to, instead of the everyday lull of watching him struggle. I know many are reading this from Living hope church and my heart just needs to tell you thank you so much. For blessing our family in the time of the greatest need. For praying for us. For loving us. Our cameras are charged and ready to shoot a million pictures and at least 3 hours worth of dvd's...nothing matters more than family.
Last night Brad and I met with the local hospice, and we still decided its not for us. For some it's great, but their limitations don't fit with our therapies for Conner. But they are extroidinary people there, and since our home health nurse is in that same office they'll just tailor to our needs as far as the bereavement groups and counseling, and keeping his pain under control all while having the flexibility of doing home iv's or even a trip to doernbecher if we so chose. we really feel so glad to have that meeting done, and our minds made up for now. We'll reevaluate as things change, but for now we're good. and that is very comforting.
Brad has taken all of this week off so he can spend time with us as a family and to try to manage the stress and grief he's going thru at this time. like me, it comes and it goes, and some days are great and others it is a fight to even get out of bed. so please pray for him that this weekend can help him to feel refreshed. Usually I'm worried about our finances if he misses work because we're a single income family, but more than ever, and more surely than I've ever felt or said before...

God provides.
He proved that to us without a doubt. He provides.
I pray you each enjoy your families for this memorial holiday weekend, and while we take time to remember those who've served for our country and to protect our freedoms...first and foremost take time to simply enjoy being alive. for family. for friends. and most of all, for God.


  1. I am so thrilled you are getting to do this. You are such wonderful parents. I know how much energy it takes to pull something like this together. I am in awe of you both. Blessings and prayers for a weekend full of wonderful memories and fun! God Bless!

  2. get away....relax and love each other! God does provide!

  3. One size definitely does NOT fit all. Bravo to you for designing a custom fit for your family's needs at this time. I'm really, really proud of you Sarah. You're a terrific mom. And that, I'm afraid, is the understatement of the year!

    Enjoy your boys...

  4. Oh my gosh should write a book. this blog was beautiful!


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