My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Friday, May 7, 2010

Steps of determination and love...

Wow...I was just looking at my sons feet in his hospital bed this morning and marveling at just how big they have gotten lately. How quickly life is flying fast he is growing up. Then I started looking at my feet.
The feet of a mother.
So completely different. My feet walk with a much different purpose then my sons. They walk to my children when they call my name. They walk around the grocery store picking out food to nourish my family. They walk to stay in shape. So different then why his feet walk. His feet walk for joy. For fun. They walk to collect candy on a Halloween evening. They walk to hug and kiss their families. They walk solely to live. To be present where there hearts are drawn to at that exact moment in time.
As a mom my feet walk with a very determined purpose. To heal. To love. To cherish. They walk to give hope for a future without cystic fibrosis. They live to carry me from each space where I can share my sons struggle and bring awareness to the most common genetic disease in the us. They walk with a purpose. They don't take much time off. They don't get put up to rest as much as they should. But they are what keeps me going. They carry me to my purpose. and tomorrow they will carry me thru 3 miles in hopes that others won't have to take those same steps with their loved ones. They walk for a cure. Tomorrow they walk for cystic fibrosis. The most powerful 15,000 steps they take each year.
The steps that mean more than anything in my life.
They walk for my son.
For your son. Your daughter. You.
They walk for 29,999 others...most of which are strangers my feet will never step close to.
But still so important to them. To me.
So tomorrow at 10am these feet will resume their purpose. Their determination . Their mission. Their dream. Their greatest hope. Their greatest fear.
Join us.
To everyone they're just feet....something to be covered with socks and given the occasional coat of nail polish. but to me...they're my greatest asset and my greatest treasure. because they carry me to just where I want to be. 3 miles of pure adreneline and pure bliss. And then they will carry me to my bed tomorrow night to rest my head, relaxing and knowing that with each step I took one of your kiddos, or you yourself were in my thoughts. Pictures of them floating in my head. Praying that maybe this is the last year I'll have to take those steps, but fully prepared to do it again next year and the next year if need be. They walk for your pain. They walk for my pain.
They walk for you...


  1. Amazing. Your writing is amazing. It gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. I will think of you all as you walk. Ours was a few weeks ago and it is always empowering.

  2. I began participating in the GS walk last year after losing my 7month old nephew to CF!!! Our walk here in Vegas was just a few weeks back. My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing the nitty gritty parts of your life with us. I really enjoy reading your blog and pray that your strength will endure and connors health will improve, if even for a short period of time...Here's to seeing another birthday another year. Hang in there.

    With Love,
    Ashley G.

  3. Ashley Guinto posted your blog on her web page and I just finished a teary read of your story and your son's embrace of life. I will think of you and your feet as I go about my day; I will think of Ashley and Ethan and all the kids living with this unkind disease and I will wish for a cure, everyday. with love and kisses, Ann

  4. Sarah, you don't know me. But I believe we run concentric circles, so the speak. I have 2 sons with Cystic Fibrosis, Michael who is 3 and Dylan who is 15 months. I saw your blog shared on Facebook today from a friend who also has a son with CF. I have watched Connor's video in the past too via Facebook. Today was the first day that I visited and read your blog entries... you are a very strong mother and really have a special way with words.

    I write this because we are walking in Chicago on Sunday. We are fighting our fight each day. We are praying for a cure for our family, your family, and all those affected by this ugly disease.

    I was so moved by your blog about feet. I have had such a similar stream of consciousness about my 3-year-old's feet... actually a few days ago. I would appreciate sharing your words with my supporters and friends on Facebook with our walk coming up. I think you captured truly the essence of why we are walking... why a mother's feet keep going and going. At the Great Strides Walk, when we wake up in the morning, until we go to bed each night. Why we walk. I would credit you of course in posting my note and would simply encourage my friends to donate and share your story, my story broadly.

    I understand if you are not okay with my reposting your blog entry above via my circle of Facebook friends, but thought I would ask. Please let me know. You are in my thoughts and my prayers.

    Kindly, Mary


Related Posts with Thumbnails

Did You Know....

There are over 100,000 people, the size of a small city, on the transplant list in the US.

There were less than 10,000 deceased organ donors in the US last year. (that's a ratio of 1 organ donor to every 10 transplant patients).

In the time it takes you to shower today, 1 new name is added to the US transplant waiting list.

From the time you woke up this morning to the time you wake up tomorrow morning, 18 people will die waiting for their transplant in the US.

click here to join the organ donation registry