My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hotel de-Doernbecher needs no prior reservations...

Here we are again.
CF clinic day.
The day we were due to end weeks and weeks of IV's....
The day we were supposed to come to clinic and then promptly return home...
ah...many are the plans in our hearts right? You would think by now...heck I would think by now that I would've learned that our plans mean nothing to Gods to stop making such plans. I think I'll get there one day...but it's not a mommy's nature to not plan. A momma with kids thrives on plans and arrangements...right?! So ya to not make plans...we'll see how that goes. But either way we made to to clinic and conner just didn't feel well. I gave him the choice if he wanted to be admitted or try to change IV's up at home...he chose to stay here. So we drove the hour home, packed and drove back here...phew lots of driving.
But more than learning to live w/o so many plans I'd say my greatest lesson in today is that words are so very profound and powerful. They have the capability of lifting you up, or cutting you down. You never truly know what anyone around you is going thru, you can't see thru the smiles on their faces into the despair they carry in their hearts, or know where they're going or what they're doing. I was cut off by some luny driver and i was already going about 10 miles over the speedlimit cus i wanted to get back here so I didn't run out of o2...and this guy as he was passing me flipped me off and mouthed some word that shouldn't be spoken...and rather than get mad at him, i felt sorry for him. shame on him. you know, on the freeway everyones driving with such a purpose and you have no clue what that purpose is...maybe its driving home or to visit friends or family, but you know what...? Everyday there are people on the road who are barely hanging on...who are rushing their kids to the hospital knowing full well that each admit growing closer and closer together can only mean one thing...and how dare people treat complete strangers as if they don't matter? as if their purpose for driving was more important then theres. He may have been on his way to a meeting, or home, or to a hospital as well, but he has no excuse for doing that, shame on him. So I guess it taught me a lesson today...about words and their power. CF is a horrible disease, but words can destroy you faster than any disease ever chose your words and actions wisely...especially to strangers... cus you may be driving to some happy destination...but the person your flipping off may be headed into a desperate situation, clinging to sanity and needing loving support....
so we're here.
ya for that.
chat soon.
and chose your words carefully


  1. Sarah - we are thinking good and happy thoughts for you and Conner! Hope you are home soon :)

    Our best,
    Jen and James Lee

  2. So true! I got caught in crazy traffic on the HWY today, and people were being soo rude. You just want to shout at them "HELLO I'M DRIVING TO THE HOSPITAL SO I CAN BREATHE!!" People can be so ignorant.


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