My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Thursday, October 28, 2010

Catching my breath…

It’s another Thursday.

I’m hating Halloween décor more each day. It’s coffins and the dead. thanks, but I’m all stocked up for now…

I’ve forgotten how he smelled.

I’ve forgotten how tall he was standing next to me.

I miss that horrible cough. I do. Just the sound of it.

I went into his bedroom today for the first time in a LONG while. The door has been locked. For good reason. I won’t be going back in anytime soon.

He keeps playing me our special couple songs on the radio, each time I’m in the car.

Sweet boy.

stress has taken over my body. my entire body is constantly tensed up and in knots.

Being so far away from him is tearing me apart from the inside out.

I keep thinking of that horrible day 17 Thursdays ago. That horrible, horrible day.

that horrible night.

that horrible next morning.

that horrible next week.

its so hard each day to keep going. to keep putting one foot in front of the other and giving my pain over to God, over and over again. Because His plan has caused me the greatest pain I could ever imagine. And right now I can’t see anything good coming from this. Conner’s lead many to His Kingdom and that’s awesome! But, he could’ve done that while he was alive.

I don’t have much in common anymore with people that I love very dearly. and that scares me.

life keeps going…

days keep coming

night keeps falling upon us…

but why can’t it stop even just a moment so I can simply catch my breath.

its been 4 months and the wind gets knocked out of me each and every day, many times a day, still.

always.

I run into his teachers and my heart breaks.

I go places that he should be going with me to and my heart breaks again

I just want it all to stop.

stop.

please…please just let me catch my breath…

connerx-ray

5 comments:

  1. I pray for you each and every day girl. I really do. You have such a kind heart and soul. I can't wait till Ladies Alive to be able to soak up some of your faith.

    ~Melissa Jones-Weston

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sending you a lot of love love love. Yesterday marked 6 months since CF took my sister Katie to Heaven. I'm sure she and Conner have found each other and are having a ball. But that's still little solace for those of us who are still here missing them. = \

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sending many prayers and lots of loving hugs to you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sarah, we are always here listening to our heartfelt feelings. Thank you for allowing us to continue on this journey with you. Mason continues to keep Conner in his prayers every night saying "and for Conner who everyone in the whole wide world loves". It breaks my heart every night. Sarah I sure wish I could give you a HUG!! And wish we lived closer so we could chat. We will always be here for you and your family in any way we can. LOVE!! Anne

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts with Thumbnails

Did You Know....

There are over 100,000 people, the size of a small city, on the transplant list in the US.

There were less than 10,000 deceased organ donors in the US last year. (that's a ratio of 1 organ donor to every 10 transplant patients).

In the time it takes you to shower today, 1 new name is added to the US transplant waiting list.

From the time you woke up this morning to the time you wake up tomorrow morning, 18 people will die waiting for their transplant in the US.

click here to join the organ donation registry

BECOME AN ORGAN DONOR, SAVE A LIFE!