My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Monday, September 27, 2010

A weekend of tears, triumph and THANKS!

I remember many years ago when my husband was a volunteer with PCFD #1 in Ocean Park, WA as a FF/EMT. I remember the honor and the joy he found in serving, in helping others, helping his brothers and sisters in the service…but mostly I loved the pride he took in being needed and appreciated like never before. I remember when I would watch him leave behind whatever he was in the middle of doing, yes even sleep in the middle of the night, to jump out the door whenever his pager would go off and his help was needed. He’d spend nights there to help out. He dove into their trainings and loved what he accomplished in his 6 years there as a volunteer.

I joined for a short time as well. Not for the fire aspect. But the medical. This was before I would find out way more about medicine then I ever hoped to, and in a much more intimate and personal role then I ever desired: with our own son. I remember putting on that gear. It was so heavy, weighing not as much as I did, but dang close. I remember how hard it was to simply walk in all of it on flat surfaces.

Needless to say I wasn’t cut out for that. I simply couldn’t keep up…

But Sunday…

my heart melted with such thanks and such joy. Brad and I were invited to attend the 2nd annual Portland FF Stairclimb for a Cure for Cystic Fibrosis that was started and ran by our friends the Louks family. You see, their two grandsons Carson and Brandon have Cystic Fibrosis and are young and vibrant. Their parents, Travis and Elicia, are in the shoes we once walked but times two! It’s a battle that is an uphill fight and it is mandatory and NOT one bit optional, and the direction it leads is never where we want it to go. We love their family desperately, as well as many CF families that we’ve grown close to and have been so fantastic to our family in our greatest need.

Our fight didn’t end when Conner took his last breath on earth…even as he breathed his first full breath in heaven we continued our fight.

To advocate for a cure.

To bring awareness to a disease that is the TOP killer of children of ALL GENETIC DISEASES!

The disease that over 30,000 young children and adults have…

That horrible disease that stole our son.

Brad and I would give anything to keep our friends and even strangers in this same fight from losing their loved ones. It is so desperately, intensely painful, and we simply cant let that happen.


Our living children can be carriers of this horrible disease. Theres a 75% chance they are infact. So what if one of our grandchildren was burdened by this horrible disease? 

We refuse to sit by and let that be even a possibility.

Yesterday nearly 400 FF from across the country, some traveling even from Florida to participate, climbed 40 flights of stairs and raised over $61,000 to aid in our FIGHT to bring CF to it’s knees. It was such an amazing, emotional day.

They honored our son.

They dedicated yesterday’s climb to the memory of our son. Brad and I cried so many tears. Most of the FF’s after learning of our loss, would nodd in respect to me, and shake my husbands hands. We were so humbled for their gratitude and their respect. It was a very emotional day to say the least.








Travis Otterson (sons with CF), Ryan Fisher (with CF) and my hubby



I’m not going to lie, the emotion didn’t just stem from being surrounded by so much love and support. In those moments of precious love and support from relative strangers, brothers and sisters in the Fire service, it was glaringly apparent that many who love us didn’t come to support us on this important day. Heartbreaking to say the least. It’s very hard right now for us, and we are so THANKFUL for those who’ve stood by our sides, or who have come to our sides during this time. We can not even imagine getting out of bed without you all there to help us! thank you from the bottom of our hearts…

The picture of Brad and i on either side of Connerman brakes my heart to see. It floods my heart with such emotion, knowing that forever now, that’s the closest we can be to our sons image. No longer in the flesh, but on a stretched canvas. and that is heartbreaking indeed.

There’s not much more to say…so I will leave you with this short clip that was on our local newscast last night at 10pm…

goodnight and thank you for your love and support…

Love Love Love




  1. Wow, Such a wonderful honor to Conner and your family. Love and happiness to you always ♥♥♥

  2. OK...I cried my eyes out during that post!!!! I am with you!!! We have donated a lot....And will continue to do so until there is a cure.

  3. That's such a wonderful event. I had never heard of it before! My fav pic is the one where you only left the colors in the flag and the hats of the firefighters! It seems like one of those events where you get the chills from just being there overcome with all the goodness and comradeship!

  4. As a mom to a child who continues to fight this terrible disease I thank you. I appreciate all you continue to do. I know you are a strong woman. I continue to pray for you and Brad. I will continue to pray that the people in your physical life (as opposed to us here & on fb) will rally in your time of need. And please know that those of us out here love and lift you up from afar. You have done more for me with your sharing of words and telling your story than you could even imagine.

  5. We along with you pray daily for a cure. Our son's firstborn, Timothy was born with CF. That was the first we had really heard of it. Timothy died at 7 months old. Our son now has 4 more children, 2 boys and 2 girls and both the girls ages 5 and 3 have CF. It breaks my heart to know that without a cure we will lose them too. So glad that at least you don't have that to face. May God bless you as you continue to help fight this teribble dieaase and praying that God will sustain you in the loss of your precious firstborn.

  6. What a wonderful exercise in healing!


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