You’re so vain I betcha think this blog is about YOU…

don’t you???

hee hee hee that made me laugh…but more than that…this blog is about you.

the one who claims this blog is always about her…this time my dear SA it is for you.

and only for you.

I love you.

I love your family.

I feel honored to have been there when D was diagnosed a year and a half ago. I’ve felt honored to walk that path with your family. Honored.

I feel so glad that I’ve been allowed to watch C grow up. From this little boy, well not little i guess, but toddler, into this inquisitive boy who loves to talk about human nature, hold food in his cheeks like a squirrel and introduce me to the world of Yo gabba gabba. love him.

and p.

well there are no words adequate. i was there to watch her grow and progress and break down each barrier that the progress center and other organizations put in front of her. i just knew she was a fireball. with an amazing spirit. and she loved me…and i love how she loved me…i hope she still will.

i was there when your family was torn apart at war. I WAS THERE. i was there to pick u back up, raise your head and spirits, watch your kids, be your number one chearleader although we BOTH knew i had no spirit fingers…i was honored to be considered a best friend. i was honored that J trusted me while he was half a world away fighting for our freedoms. brad and i considered it the least we could do for your family…although i always felt it could never be said enough or shown enough…we love you. we honor your friendships and we cherish your family as an extension of our own.

love.

the words that you’ve spoken crushed me at a time when i felt like you should’ve been there for me. no matter what. i never expected everyone to be friends with everyone, i have many different groups of friends as well as most people i know. and i was stunned by how insecure you became and how you grew to resent our friendship. i am crushed that you let the enemy pierce your heart and more so that you would turn on me.

i am not perfect.

i never once claimed to be. i’m not a perfect mom or christian, or heck not even a perfect human being…we are all faulty.

that is how we are made.

but we are also taught and it’s gods greatest hope that in times when we feel our worst or the enemy is attacking our spirit, it’s THEN when we’re to lean on god and really focus on Him..and to not let the enemy determine our paths born out of lies.

i’m so broken that you let him win.

you chose to let him get between you and me.

our families.

the words you are speaking against me to almost complete strangers are tragic, slanderous, and pure evil. but my heart deep down believes that you know just as well as i do that you’re hurt. deeply hurt. and never gave me, nor god the chance to go in and try to fix it. you chose the easy way out…to walk away, claiming to not care, to heap coals on my head and slander mine and my husbands name to anyone who will listen.

but my dear we all know better.

we know you’re hurting.

we know that the pain youre feeling out of jealousy, anger, fear, all of it…

and my heart hurts for you. it truly does.

i’m devestated by your actions and harsh words and your attempts to divide brad and my marriage.

i pray you will stop.

i pray your heart will soften to really let god in. to really let him love you the way that no human being ever could. i pray for peace in your soul and your home and in the lives of your children. i pray for your circumstances whatever they may be. i pray for you.

because i love you.

and while i wish i could close my heart sometimes when it’s been crushed over and over again i simply cannot.

so i pray for you.

for me.

for us.

for this horrible circumstance.

and i pray that you find a true love relationship with Him so you can show the enemy the way out the door…

to not let him divide yet another friendship because thats the easy way out…it’s happened with you over and over again…

my head will never come out of this “fog” this is my life, and you can’t imagine the pain nor the burden i bare.

my husband is not having an affair, and there are no rumors going around about that except for the ones coming out of your mouth.

the fact that you would bring up my having to supplement my income because of the loss of my dear son is just shattering to me.

you of all people know my story.

you know of our struggles.

remember toy soldier bazarre…i thought you got it?

this was never something i was hiding…but speaking it out about town the way you do/have is so painful for me.

your laundry is not mine to air.

your deepest concerns, worries, and pains are just those…your own.

speaking to you now in the only way i know you will listen to i beg of you to stop.

i don’t beg of you to still be friends with me.

you don’t owe me a thing, and i owe you not one thing either…

leave me alone. leave my marriage alone. leave my family alone.

and please…

please

let my son rest in peace.