my head is pounding today. my throat is scratchy.
i feel like i’m getting a cold and i wouldn’t be surprised if I am.
my immunity is shot right now.
my body is vulnerable.
i’m caught in the numbness of thursday. 3 weeks ago waking up a little earlier than this knowing that it was only a matter of hours now and not days. spending the whole day in bed…love love loving him…always always always.
watching him slip in and out of consciousness from the carbon dioxide taking over every square inch of his lungs and blood. watching the beat of his heart press hard into his chest. watching his chest rise and fall so sharply. in and out of a co2 coma…waking up here and there panicked…looking for us…
his eyes said it all.
he was scared to be alone. but mommy and daddy were right there angel baby. we held him close. we kissed him all day long. we loved him. we took care of him. it was our nightmare coming true. we were living it. we as parents were going to survive but our son would not. our dreams for his life were dyeing that day too. there would be no 2nd grade, no high school graduation, no first girlfriend brought home, no college, no wife, no grandchildren…no miracle cure in time…
it would all end.
and it did.
i will never look at thursdays the same way again. its the day of the week i dread the most. forget mondays. going back to work on a monday is nothing compared to living thru the thursday
your angel died.
perspective isnt it?
please friday come quickly…and please conner hold my hand today…