My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Sunday, July 18, 2010

red lego...

another red lego day...

last night was difficult. brad and i were up late crying and talking and sometime argueing over misplaced anger..and just missing our son. i woke up still with a heavy heart this morning. i got in the car and headed to see conner at his place, a friend told me there was a few things there for me to get, so i wanted to go first thing.
i was just sad the whole way there...i hate that i know that drive all too well now. i hate that when i come to the last curve before the cemetary entrance my heart jumps to my throat. i hate that when i start up to the right and up the hill i look over to conners spot from afar and my sadness instantly consumes me. i hate it. i hate that i pull up into the same spot i always do. i hate that the grass placed over him is a dead giveaway of just how new this all is. i hate thinking of his body just beneath my feet and sometimes my knees just sitting there...alone. i hate it all.
i couldn't stay long this morning, i grabbed what i needed and i simply had to leave.
it was too much.
i went to the store to get a card for todays babyshower...i went home to change for church.
brad and the boys were not coming with me..
i changed.
attempted to pretty myself up..my heart full of sadness...
i walk out the door and towards my car i just recently parked...only home maybe 15 minutes tops.

there it was.

a bright red shiny red lego resting in the grass right in front of my car door. i ran inside to show brad...and we laughed again. our son is so thoughtful. it was perfect timing once again.
this one i put in my purse and went to church with it and held it the entire service.

3 red legos so far...on 3 very difficult days...
connerman mommy loves you so much.

5 comments:

  1. What a great team Conner and God make together!! It is so awesome how together they are watching over you and your family and helping you through this difficult time.

    "I can do all things through Christ who stengthens me." Phil.4:11

    ReplyDelete
  2. Conners way of taking care of you....Amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is SO touching! Thank you for sharing with us. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  4. I love hearing the stories of when he comes around to give you a red logo. They're fun, especially, after having such a hard day.

    ReplyDelete

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