My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!

Love Love Love

Always Always Always

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Living Hope Church weekend

On Friday I was asked to speak at our church about Conner’s legacy of love. The services at Living Hope Church are amazingly powerful. My husband and i have been loving attending that church for years. Even before we moved close to a campus of the church, we’d always stop in while we were in town for one of Conner’s many CF appts. in Portland, OR.

I had one day to prepare.


They asked on Friday evening. the first service was Saturday at 5pm.

ONLY GOD could prepare me for what was to come.

Each service the dynamic changed. The vibe changed. The need changed. But the story never changed.


the theme….LOVE

the goal…to wait on God and realize that when you’re in the MIDDLE of your story or circumstance is when god is closer to you than ever. That is when your faith is tested and tried the most. That is when each decision you make is either for Christ, or for giving up on Him. Being in the MIDDLE there is hope and love.

Conner’s no longer in the middle…he is with Jesus. But Brad and I…now we’re in OUR middle….clinging to God alone. Knowing that while none of this makes much sense to us right now, we fully KNOW that GOD IS GOD no MATTER what…and His plans are perfect…and they are to prosper us and not to harm us”

I pray your life will be touched in the very deepest part of your soul just as mine was.



Love Love Love



  1. Over-the-top AMAZING! Thank you, Sarah. love...always

  2. You did a wonderful job and the service in its entirety was wonderful. It is so easy to lose faith in God when you are in the middle. We praying for your family daily. Love, love, love...

  3. So very powerful. I'm so glad you chose to share this.

  4. did a awesome job of honoring Conner..I do you know what you are talking about Seattle Childrens is our 2nd home right now for the past 2 years

  5. Sarah, you did an awesome job. You touch my heart every time I read your blog and getting to put your voice to what you write is going to be great. You have fought so long and hard for Conner and you will do great things in his memory. God is going to use your family in many ways.

  6. I ran across this today, and thought of you:

    * Best Angel Friends * - Author Unknown
    A beautiful little angel showed up to Heaven's gates.
    Confused and unknowing the plan that for him awaits.
    Then another little angel walked up and took his hand and said, "Please don't be sad you left, you're in the Promised Land."
    "I'm glad to be here but I do not think I was to go. Perhaps there was a mistake, for my mommy wanted me so."
    The little greeting angel gave a sweet smile and said, "My mommy wanted me too, but to Heaven I was led. You see, we do not get to choose when on Earth it's time to go. He gave us life, love and joy and a mother's womb to grow. The Lord still needs new angels to guide them down on earth. To watch over, comfort them, and help them see their worth."
    "Is there still a way that I can sleep in my mommy's bed?"
    The greeting angel grinned and said, "That luxury you'll keep. I visit my mommy nightly and softly sing her to sleep."
    The little angel replied, "Then I think I'll like it here. I'll visit my mommy nightly and weaken her pain and fears. I love her and will keep her safe at night and in between; and let her know with a sweet memory that she is still with me."
    The greeting angel gave her new friend a big hug and said, "Until our mommy's meet us here, let's be best angel friends."
    "Okay," said the new angel, "that sounds good to me."
    Then the angels sat and played keeping their mommy's in sight, humming the tunes to the song they would sing to their mommy's tonight...

  7. You were blessed with an amazing son and now God is using your amazing gift of words. Lost souls were saved this weekend! Blessings to you Sarah. Rick and Lori

  8. My husband keeps this poem on his night stand framed with a picture of his little brother. The poem was given to him when his little brother passed away 9 years ago.

    A Rosebud
    When God calls little children
    to dwell with him above, we
    mortals always question the wisdom
    of his love. For no heartache can
    compare with the death of one small
    child who does so much to make the
    world seem wonderful and mild.
    Perhaps God tires - always calling
    the aged to his fold and so he picks
    a rosebud before it can go. God knows
    how much we need them so he picks but
    few to make the land of Heaven more
    beautiful to view. Believing this is
    difficult, still somehow we must try.
    The saddest word that mankind knows
    will always be "good-bye". And so when
    little ones depart, we who are left
    behind must realize how much God
    loves children, for angels are hard to find.

  9. Sarah, It was an honor being a part of tha 1pm church service and hearing Conner's wonderful love story. You did a fantastic job. Absolutely fantastic. I could feel the love of God moving in the hearts of everyone there. Thank you for your bravery! Love, love, love......


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