I was able to eat two small meals. A huge accomplishment.
I got out of bed before 11 am. an even bigger accomplishment.
I was able to take a shower without tears.
I made it almost an entire hour awake without crying.
I felt like everyone I saw knew what I’d been thru…felt like everyone was staring at me.
today i took a brief nap.
today i chased hunter in the park causing him to laugh like he hasn’t in quite some time.
and it made me smile.
i humbled myself and cleaned up dog poop in the bathroom…TMI i know…but hey every tiny bit counts now…
today i wore my FUCF shirt that I love. because i couldn’t feel more agreeing on that if i tried. FU CF!!!
today i’m realizing already how quickly i’m forgetting the sound of his sweet voice…
today i looked for him before realizing he wasn’t there
today i got angry at him for leaving me, turning my world upside down. i’m so mad…
today i picked up his death certificate.
i also picked up the pj’s he slipped into heaven wearing from the funeral home.
today my arms literally ached to hold him.
i longed to smell his hair. hold his hand. breathe his breaths…
today i found new pictures…and FYI these are not for kids to see…they are of conner at his visitation…but i find them beautiful…
top of his casket…hand painted
My days are empty and long. i spend each moment hugging my two children still with me. Hunter says these pics of Conner are of his angel body. Oh my sweet 4 year old how much he misses his brother.
oooh but today my love, my sweet angel boy i miss you to peices. and my heart is so utterly broken…
Love Love Love
Always Always Always