My arms are empty and acheing...

I can’t believe I’m a mother without…

Life has been twisted and turned upside down. As a mother, I had both the wonderful privilege of holding my sweet son as I brought him into this world…and the horrible chore of holding him as he took his last breaths and left this world, at only 7 years old. June 24, 2010 he earned his angel wings, passing away after an inspiring but brief fight against Cystic Fibrosis. Now I live, solely focusing on living a life to get to be with him again in heaven, and to raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis research. I am dedicated to a cure, not only for my sweet sons legacy but so that other CF families never experience the greatest loss of their lives that we are now facing. My mother’s arms are missing Connerman, yet he still inspires me daily to leave a mark of LOVE on this world…so for you my sweet prince, mommy will try!



Love Love Love

Always Always Always


Thursday, July 8, 2010

oh baby boy…

come back to me sweet prince.

please.

i know you’re happy and i totally know how completely selfish my request is…but please…PLEASE come back to me. just for one more day. one hour. one minute.

i need you sweet boy.

my heart is in shreds.

i’m trying.

but i’m getting nowhere.

mommy and daddy miss you baby…

i miss snuggeling you in my bed…listening to you breathe. i miss waking up all hours of the day and night to help you to breathe with your inhalers, or hook up iv’s, i miss needing a baby monitor hooked up so i can hear you if you called my name. i need you baby boy.

nothing is right without you.

not. one. thing.

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11 comments:

  1. :-( It's not fair. It's just not fair. Big hugs, Jones Family.

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  2. Oh Sarah, what can I say? My heart goes out to you and your family. I'm crying as I write this. DONT let Cf destroy you also. I know, easy for me to say. You are here for a reason and a purpose, to make the world know more about cf. Take one hour at a time, one day at a time. YOU ARE A STRONG PERSON!!!!!!You CAN change the world!!!!! Hang in there honey, Take Care, Love to you and the family : )

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  3. (((Hugs)))

    I have been reading a few months now. Please know that many many people are thinking of you and your family.

    I am so sorry you have to know this kind of pain.

    Jessica

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  4. ReplyDelete
  5. Sarah, I can't imagine all you have had to go through. As a devoted mommy to 4 kids (2 with CF) my heart aches for you, Brad, and the boys. I know that no one can pretend to understand your pain. And I know how tiring and frustrating the cliche "I'm sorry" can be. But I hope some of these words can bring you a little peace and reassurance.

    Conner is with you all the time. Remember back to those amazing words you spoke at his service- Conner is the sunshine you feel on your face, the angel kisses on your cheek, the chill you get on the back of your neck, the red you see everywhere you go, the laughter you hear from a child as they run and play... He is definitely with you everywhere you go. Though you can't physically see his body, you can feel his soul. He is in your heart and all around... and will be forever until that wonderful day when he will greet you on the other side and there you two will be for eternity. This earthly life is merely a blink of an eye. Heaven is FOREVER. FOREVER with your baby boy, your prince! FOREVER watching him breathe freely, run, play, medicine and IV free! FOREVER and EVER. Until that day comes, remember that you are an AMAZING mother and an inspiration to so many.

    God CHOSE you to care for Conner -His son- and knew that you and Brad were the only ones He could trust to have the strength and faith to do His work. He BELIEVED in you and CONTINUES to be with you as you fulfill the next part of His plan. You and Conner have been the perfect examples of faith, determination, and love. You both have taught so many people the power of faith and lead many to know and trust in God. You two were given a very difficult cross to bear and you have done it exactly the way God intended- with love, determination, and faith. Though we don't understand the Why's of God's plans, we need to remember that we don't get the opportunity to see the big picture of God's plans either. Think of how many people you and Conner have touched, have changed, have inspired, and have lead to God. It is awe-inspiring just how many have been changed for the better because of you two! That amazing little angel Conner and YOU, his faithful devoted mommy, have affected and changed SO MANY people. Don't stop now. Conner has passed the torch on to you now and God knows YOU are the ONE to continue out His plans. He and Conner are right by your side, every step of the way. And until that sweet day when you will get to see and hold your C-man FOREVER and EVER, keep fighting this disease, helping others, inspiring many, and being an amazing mommy to your beautiful earthly sons here. Trust that in no time at all, all your pain, frustrations and questions will be answered by God and you will be snuggling and kissing your prince for eternity. Until then, keep running with that torch, knowing that God and Conner are running right along with you, cheering you on to the finish.

    <3 <3 <3

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  6. Oh, dear Sarah, I cannot imagine your pain. Each time I visit here I am in tears. You are in my prayers. All I can say is cling to God for He will give you strength, and now your sweet precious boy is breathing easily and walking by our heavenly Father's side.

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  7. Sarah,
    I continue to think of you, your family and Conner. May God help carry you through.

    Families Are Forever.

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  8. I would not begin to even think to say I know what your going through, I do not. When my heart is breaking for you and we have never met, I cannot begin to imagine your pain. I chastise myself that I have no right to feel this way, to feel heartbroken, I did not know Conner, yet every picture I look at of your sweet boy, I look into those soulful eyes, so full of wisdom and things no child should ever have to know, and see that beautiful smile and I feel a bond so great it brings tears to my eyes. My boys are the same age as yours, and I don't know if I would have even a smidgin of your strength. I pray for you every day, and I am ashamed to say that this is probably the most I have ever prayed in my life, because of you and sweet Conner, I realized this and what I should have been doing and how I should be living my life, with God and his Kingdom in it. Your sweet boy will always be with you, he has never left your heart. He has a piece of my heart as well. I wish I would have had a chance to meet this wonderful person, that was Conner. I know someday, that I shall.
    Thank you with all my heart

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  9. Although I will never know what to say to ease your pain, I did want to leave a note that I think of your family daily. I never met your beautiful boy, but I will honor Conner's memory today with kind words and actions. Praying for peace for you.

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  10. HUGS Sarah!! What beautiful pictures of Conner and you. Precious, just precious. When Mason said prayers tonight at the end he said "and of course, of course, for my best buddy in heaven who everyone is praying for all over, from Texas, Minnesota, Washington DC, WI, and Washington state". It was so cute. Conner is always on our minds and in our hearts, and so is your family. Love, Anne

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  11. Keep writing Sarah...I can imagine that you'll never heal after loosing your child. It's on your time line, not the time line of others. Thinking of you always. I made a FUCF tank top to wear to the gym and I love it...it's my favorite! Keep writing...

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