There really aren’t words to describe today.
I was busy kicking CF’s butt all morning with a hugely successful Scentsy show…
but then…
it was over.
reality came.
i drove home…grabbed brad…and went to the floral shop to pick up connermans “monthaversary” bouquet.
it was beautiful.
reds, blues, whites…a dori fish on it..perfect
spent about 40 minutes or so with brad just sitting at conners place. it was so quiet and peaceful.
but our hearts were anything but peaceful.
the day passed in a blur. we filled it with busyness and i even took a 2 hour nap just to make time pass quicker…
but now its quiet
its still
our kids are home and they’re sleeping in their beds
my busyness is done for the day and i have to rest in the quiet.
and i hate the quiet now.
i hate that he’s gone.
i hate it.
i hate all these stupid firsts…
its reliving his death OVER and OVER and OVER…
to you God I’m thankful that tonight my beautiful son is there holding your hand, helping you collect my tears. To you Lord I’m thankful for my two living, beautiful sons and my wonderful husband..and I guess even the dog maybe…to You God I put my faith in, i cannot do this alone…never have…never will…but please lord my only wish…is to feel Conners presence each time the sun shines on my face, each time the wind tickles my arms, each time the rain pours out on me lord…i can’t live without him…
tomorrow is a new day
and thank god for that.
I've started and erased several comments now, because words are so empty and hollow compared to the weight and substance of your pain. You and your family are an inspiration, and your survival and honesty through these dark days will inspire and sustain so many others.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on making it through today. I wish I could say that things will get easier, but I can't...because I honestly have no idea. I've never dealt with an inkling of the pain that you have. You have God on your side, and the love of strangers and friends around the globe. As a friend of Gary Holde (he married my husband and I), I know you are in good hands with him in your court! I pray for God to continue to increase the support both silent and in the flesh. I pray for minutes of comfort and momentary relief from your grief. Walk in peace this week.
Love you! Xo
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you, Sarah. One second. One minute. One hour. One day. One week. One month. One at a time. I'm always so proud of you.
ReplyDeletexo
k.
xoxo! stay strong
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ReplyDeleteLove, love, love to you. xoxo Elise (mom to the amazing Froggy w/CF)
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